Hello friends.

To most i am know as Jules. To few i am know as Rusty. And to one i am know as the Wisest Companion. My other site has refused my longing for clarity in words...or am i just incapable..well...whatever the deal, i am here now. i know, isnt this exciting? Well...hmm..recap recap recap....well you know my title, know you must know me. I have been told i am a complicated person. (mad props to dr. silverman for that) i am hated by most and just dealt with by others. but enough about me.....Rhetorical question TIZIME!! Why do i feel that i connect most sufficently to the people that i am "not supposed to"??? for instance...Dingus..i feel like she knows me best and doesnt know me at all, and i guess thats what i appreciate the most...i mean, i hate being around her most of the time, but i feel like thats okay in a sense. Now, all we do is fight....and for good reasons i suppose, but still i feel like she konws me even though i dont think she is too fond of me anymore. Second person...i know i shouldnt say this..but...Deeny. i feel like i let him down. i feel soo bad for that. and i know i really shouldnt feel like i let him down...but i did. and i appologize for all eternity. And Spyder. ahhh Spyder...he understood me. He did, he truely did. but i let him down too. i let the world down. Bhoomer...my sweet little bhoomer!! hahahaha (im talking to her as i am writing this! even though i know you all dont care...) but, she was there and so was i. and i didnt do anything. and i feel soo bad. I guess i had pushed her away, but i dont know what from. and ohh this bitter cold is biting at my toes and heart and everything is just overwhelming me with fears and aspirations of failure. More appologies. my parents and brother. I did not know i could make peoples lives living hells just by being. Am i really that bad of a person? i hope not, but if i am..i am. So.....back to umm yeah.... im going out with steve...yes i am. hhaha and on saturday me, steve, bhoomer and adam are going to montclair to have some fun GOD DAMNIT...if all goes according to plan.

Well, my head is wilting and my wrists are acheing so propose a nap to myself.
i found my medication in my mothers closet where she thought she "hid" them...
i needed a sense of relife.
SO SUE ME IM AN ADDICT.
haha no i dont have to say that, im not a meeting (you feel me dingus)

milk and honey-jules